I was sitting with a dear friend as she rocked her 1 1/2 year-old boy to sleep, breastfeeding him. She had moved into a new home six weeks earlier and single handedly unpacked it. She finished her Masters Degree two weeks before the move. She had
given birth to her son while in school, took care of him while finishing her degree and…you may not believe this…was running her own business with her husband.
Talk about Super Woman! This woman can do anything she puts her mind to. Nothing stops her. She is incredible.
Reading her list of accomplishments, would you believe she thinks she doesn’t do enough? I thought she was crazy when she told me she’s been trying to prove she is smart, strong and capable!
But maybe it’s not so crazy. Maybe, for most of us, what is underneath over-working and trying to be Super Woman IS our desire to be seen, loved and appreciated.
Right now, you may be staying in a job or relationship that isn’t really what you want, living somewhere that doesn’t feel right, just to prove you can. You may be rationalizing your suffering, feeling exhausted and forgetting it doesn’t have to be this way.
And here is where it tends to hurts the most – and I can tell you this from experience – over-working and burning yourself out is not the path to a passionate, fulfilling relationship!
In fact, it could be the very thing keeping you from attracting the man you want or making your current relationship as fulfilling and passionate as you want it to be!
About six months ago, after being married for only six months, my husband and I hit a rough patch because I was spending more time with my work than with him. I’m grateful to say that, after a life-time of burning myself out, I have made a major change. I gave up over-working and proving that I can do anything.
I have started reminding myself that I really can do what fulfills me, that I am never stuck. I now take breaks as I work and pause when I feel frantic. I delegate the tasks I don’t enjoy. I feel so much better and my husband is amazed at the intimacy and spark this is bringing back to our relationship!
Each one of us has an image we try to uphold, to keep others from seeing the parts we think aren’t enough. Take a minute to think about how you want the world to see you. Strong? Brave? Intelligent? Then think about what parts of yourself you hide from others. Vulnerability? Tenderness? Here’s an example:
I know an amazing woman who takes pride in the fact that she can fix her car, do her taxes and run her own business. It is truly incredible that she can do all of this herself AND what she’s been hiding behind her capability is how painful it is that she hasn’t met the love of her life.
Since she felt ashamed and thought of wanting love as weak, she made sure everyone knew she was strong. How much love did that let in? Not much! She finally admitted to me, her eyes welling up with tears, “I’m tired. I don’t want to do it all myself.” This is a big change for her that will start to make room for the relationship she wants. So, can you see it now?
Trying to be Super Woman is one of the fastest ways to block intimacy and love!
And this really has nothing to do with how capable you are. You are capable! You just don’t have to keep trying to prove it. When you get that you no longer have to prove this, you are free to be yourself, with everyone! And when you are free to be yourself, your life and relationships become more fulfilling.
Are you pushing love away by trying to be Super Woman?
(Hint…If you answer yes to 2 or more of these questions, it’s likely you are.)
- Do you end your days feeling exhausted, without energy for relationship, dating or pleasure?
- Has it been more than a week since you did something to take care of yourself?
- Do you feel uncomfortable when you even imagine asking for help?
- Does your never-ending to-do list get in the way of enjoying time with friends or your hobbies?
- Hobbies…what hobbies? Have you put your hobbies on the back burner?
Well, congratulations to those of you who have mastered being Super Woman – I bet there are a lot of you! Now, here are a few ways to counter your Super Woman tendencies and start creating more of the life and relationships you really want…
- Slow down when you find yourself rushing – Stop and relax when you feel tense or frustrated. Ask yourself if you really want to do what you’re doing. If you don’t, consider it’s time to make a change. And don’t worry. You can start small. No need to overthrow your whole life in one day.
- Ask for help – Yes – simple as that. I could say more, but just try it!
- Ask yourself: “What am I doing or choosing in my life to prove I’m enough?” - When you discover this you are then free to choose what’s more fulfilling for you. Think about what that is and take the first step toward it.
In the Authentic Woman Experience 90 Day Program women give themselves the time and space to get in touch with what’s truly important to them. They uncover what they are doing that blocks intimacy and fulfillment in their lives and relationships. And because the workshop is so experiential, women get to practice new levels of expression and connection that make an ongoing difference in their lives! Click here to find out more about our workshops…