Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and started worrying about a relationship or your job and then you can’t get back to sleep? I’ve had that happen a lot!

A while ago, I woke up and started thinking about my husband. At first, they were random, dreamy thoughts. Nothing too specific – just scenes of our time together floating through my mind.

Then, I thought to myself, “hmmm… he hasn’t said ‘I love you,’ in a while.” I thought some more about it. He’s told me I amaze him and that he’s grateful to be with me, but not ‘I love you.’ And, my mind went to that Bad Place:

Maybe it’s a big deal…I should tell him I love him, it goes both ways…I wonder whether he will fall out of love with me some day. Most relationships are destined for failure these days. I’d rather him tell me he doesn’t love me now than years from now. It would hurt a lot less.

Ok, so now I’m awake. My heart is beating so hard you’d think I had been running for half an hour. And, I was. I was running – in circles, mentally. Sound familiar?

I’ve always thought of myself as really relaxed and easygoing. When friends came to me for advice, I’d watch as they freaked out over some relationship issue or problem at work. Inwardly, I would feel sorry for them and thank god I didn’t worry like that.

I knew people who were anxious when I was young and I vowed to never be like that. So I became attached to seeing myself as calm, cool, and collected.

Then, when I was in my mid twenties I took a meditation class. In that class, I uncovered feelings of anxiety I didn’t even know I had! I never knew that anxiety was often running in the background while I went through my days.

I had learned to ignore the feelings of worry and dread in order to appear carefree and “together.”

I began to see how large a part anxiety played in my life. I felt really anxious when I wanted to say “no” to people (I’m not great at saying no!).

If a friend invited me to a party and I didn’t feel like going, I would feel anxious and think, if I say “no” she won’t like me, or she’ll think I’m no fun and then not invite places anymore. Sometimes the anxiety would keep me from giving any answer at all. Then I’d be stuck in a bind and feel even worse.

During a great conversation with a cute guy years ago, I realized I hadn’t heard most of what he said. Instead, I was trying to hide that I was nervous and was off in my own little world. I realized then that anxiety was getting in the way of my relationships and that I needed to do something about it.

Once I started paying attention I’d feel the anxiety I’d been living with, without even knowing it. Sometimes it felt worse at first to feel it. But over time I found I could ease the anxiety and not let it completely take over.

So how can you ease your anxiety? I know it can be hard! But it is possible. Here are some simple steps that can get you started:

1. Acknowledge it. Once you start feeling anxious (you know, your heart starts beating faster, your thoughts begin to spin out of control, etc), don’t deny the feeling – recognize it. It helps me if I write down how I’m feeling, and think about why I’m worried. It also helps to tell someone I trust.
2. Take a Step. When you’re feeling anxious, counter the negative feelings with a positive action. For instance, if you’re worried about a meeting you haven’t scheduled, take out your date book and pencil in a time to schedule it. Then, go back to sleep. ;-)
3. Get Physical. Go for a run or a brisk walk. The fresh air and physical activity will give your body and mind something to do – other than worry!
4. Pamper Yourself. Take a nice, long bath or give yourself a pedicure. Turn on your favorite music or have a glass of wine.
5. Meditate. Meditation can be as simple as noticing your breath as you inhale and exhale. You can even start with what my father used to say, “take a deep breath!”

This has helped me to feel more relaxed and stay connected with people.

Lastly, if you feel anxious about your anxiety (like “oh no! I’m worrying too much! I should stop worrying. People/men won’t want to be around me if I feel like this!” – I used to think like that!)

…First of all, you’re not alone – most of us get anxious now and then. That calm, mellow friend of yours probably feels anxious too. Easing your anxiety can take time. Being patient with yourself is half the battle!

And soon, without all that worry, you’ll have room for more fulfilling relationships, more fun, appreciation of what you already have, and not to mention, a better night’s sleep.

We just had a wonderful interview with Alissa Kriteman, author, coach and creator of Just for Women:  Dating, Relationships & Sex, during this month’s Living in Love tele-seminar!

She shared:

• What to do when anxiety starts to take over and you lose YOU!
• How to stop your mind from spinning – on the spot
• What you need to know as a woman about anxiety that doctors don’t tell you

You can still have access to this interview!  If you are not already a member of our Living in Love group, join here (your 1st month is only $1)!

Members click here to visit the forum and listen to past calls.