Wasn’t clear how you do that if in a situation with a man. So there you are in a social setting, there is a guy you see and have interest in and you don’t want to put energy in worrying about how you appear to him but then how in that situation do you then incorporate “what do you feel like doing in the moment”. Taking a bath at that moment wouldn’t fit so can you give an example of a situation like this where “do what you feel like doing rather than worry about how you appear”.Hope this was clear. thanks

Some of my boundaries around sexuality were crossed when I was younger. There was a lot I didn’t understand about that, and one of the ways I dealt with it was to hide, or downplay, my sensual and sexual self. It felt scary to receive sexually charged attention from men — it triggered a fight-or-flight response in my body. So even though I wanted to be seen and I wanted men to pay attention to me, I was also really scared of it b/c I didn’t know what would happen — what did it mean? what did he expect? could I handle the situation? Being noticed for my “sexiness, charm, and beauty” could send me into a panic. (In part b/c I didn’t think of myself as sexy, charming, or beautiful — so anyone else who did must be up to something.) It didn’t take much to for me feel untrusting and in danger.

It’s taken time and experience to see this about myself, to ask questions, and to learn to trust. It’s been an interesting journey, and I’ve had lots of help along the way. I feel like my life is lush and blooming, and I’m opening to love and intimacy in genuine, trusting ways that I couldn’t have imagined a year ago. I feel it in my bones. It’s in my blood, it radiates from my heart and my guts, it shines off my skin and makes the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I can taste it on my toungue. It tastes like heaven.