How to Counteract Your Biological Clock
I was talking with a woman last week who was very clear that she didn’t want to leave having a baby to chance. She wanted a plan.
I don’t blame her! Of course she wants a plan. Even from where I sit, in a beautiful relationship with my husband, I still want things to go according to my plan. And they’re not!
I’m in the midst of my own baby-longing recently. I have been attempting to will my body to get pregnant. But it is not going according to plan. Letting go and surrendering to this has become the biggest spiritual practices of my life.
It is great to be a planner. It is important to be conscious about when and with whom you will have a baby. Thankfully, there are things you can do so you are more likely to find your love. Unfortunately, we also do things to push men away.
Camp #1:
Women get attached to a plan but feel guilty or wrong about having it, so they keep it to themselves. While holding that plan close to their hearts, it becomes more dry and intellectual than it is.
When they finally tell a man, the juiciness and vulnerability gets left out (in part because it is so vulnerable to want!). Or, when they don’t tell the men they date, they near the last ticks of the fertility clock and kick themselves for no longer having the opportunities they had in the past!
Camp # 2:
Women are very committed to the plan happening, even if they have to force it. They map it out and are not afraid to talk about it. But there is a rigidity to it. Again, it becomes more intellectual and dry.
Women who do this may be upfront about what they want and let a man know soon after meeting that if he doesn’t want marriage and babies (or something else she wants) this isn’t a fit. No second date, thank you.
1. Feel your desires: Don’t just think about them. The energy of desire it is pure and bright. It is beautiful and juicy. If you feel tight or desperate, cranky or full of despair, it’s because you have collapsed desire with the complaints and concerns about the desire. When you start to separate them you can feel the beauty of your desire.
Talk, vent, sob, yell, express whatever is there with your girlfriends (or women who won’t try to change, fix or rationalize you.) Ask for help in sinking into and really feeling your desires. Without my girlfriends I would be up shit’s creek! They hold and appreciate me when I feel nuts. They remind me that my desires are innately good and beautiful – that they wouldn’t exist otherwise.
Feeling desires juices and nourishes you more than thinking desires. You will feel younger. You will radiate and glow more.
2. Share in a way that inspires:
As a woman you have an incredible power to inspire a man to do, well, almost anything ;)! A man has his own truth and desires, so this is not about manipulating a man into doing what you want him to do. It is about sharing the part of you that inspires him to connect with a part of himself he may not be in touch with.
Inspiring is not about making a demand or a threat. It’s not “I’m leaving if you don’t…” It’s not blaming or shaming. It’s not “I can’t believe you don’t…” It’s not reporting the facts.
It is sharing the vulnerable, raw desire. It is sharing the vision you have and what you see is possible. It is sharing your emotions (practicing the art of sharing your emotions without blaming, or shaming).
Sharing your heart and your pure desires is the fastest way to discover whether a man wants what you want. You then can see whether he is a match for you. (Note: Sometimes it takes a few days or weeks for your expression to sink in and inspire. Share and give him some space to reflect.)
We are like magnets. When you share from your heart, without a back-log of emotions or pressure, it connects men with their hearts.
If you’re ready to stop leaving your desire for your lover or a family to chance, read more here…
With love & pleasure,
Shana
Thanks for writing. compelling title and reminded me that the only thing I need to feel is my desire NOW.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. it is SO helpful!
Hello!
I am past babies now… and boy do i miss it… but I tried acupuncture, and it worked like a charm…
good luck to you!
I wish i would have found your web site earlier, my husband of 20 years just divorced me , and I, still loving him, feel so lost… just incredibly lost… I cannot imagine ever be in a relationship anymore, but maybe , just maybe, your advices could help me in some other areas of my life…
I have to find a job and to take care of my teenagers girls… And someway I have to make it…
Happy new year , and all my best wishes , for a fun 2011 year.
this was inspiring. it helped me realize what really attracts me deeper to my girlfriend feeling more connected to her and big part of this is when she shares from her heart. What is this back-log of emotions you mentioned shana? thanks