I went all the way to Croatia to coach a client. He is an incredible man who wants real connections with everyone in his life and an honest, vulnerable relationship with a woman.
(I meet incredible men all over the world. Might be time to start match-making! Want his phone #?)
We went to a club one night so he could practice staying present, in his body and connected to women, even if he felt embarrassed, turned on or self-conscious.The club was gorgeous! It was NYC style, with the latest and most stylish decorations. It was pretty empty when we arrived. I saw a few decked out, beautiful, tall, young women and felt a bit like an outsider, but I was feeling all right…Until…
Until I took a walk to the bathroom. My simple black dress and casual boots (my hot pair ripped when I was getting dressed) felt like rags compared to what other women were wearing.
In the tiny 3 by 5 foot bathroom I stood in a sea of 20 of these tall, thin beautifully put together women. I felt like I was 13 years old again.
I could hardly look in the mirror as I washed my hands. I almost burst into tears right there! I realized I was having a sudden case of the “uglies,” comparing myself with other women and doubting my beauty and worth.
This doesn’t happen often anymore, but I’m not surprised it did then, in a room full of beautiful women, halfway across the world
I squeezed through the mob of people (who arrived as I had been chatting outside with my client and his two friends). When I reached them I let out a huge sigh and a few tears rolled down my cheeks.
They asked what was going on. “They are all so beautiful,” I said. I feel so self-conscious.
I knew I could have tried to hide what I was feeling and gone on with the night, but I really value being honest with men and letting them into a woman’s world.
Part of what I do when I coach men is teach them how to respond to a woman’s emotions so she feels seen and appreciated. Many men feel scared, anxious and have no idea how to do this.
So, I consciously chose to feel it all and share it. It was vulnerable, especially with men I don’t know well, especially in another culture. But I don’t think hiding does anyone much good.
And I am willing to be vulnerable so these men ( and others) can have more connection and intimacy with women.I also do it for the women these men interact and create relationships with (Sisterhood)!!
As vulnerable as it is to do this it also heals my heart every time. If a man disrespects me, I stand up for myself and the rightness of my feelings. I dig deeper into my own strength and love for myself, remembering there is absolutely nothing wrong with me! :) If a man embraces my emotions, my heart relaxes a bit more.
These 3 Croatian men, in a Croatian night club, listened to me. Then they said they were grateful to be with me, and they appreciated the substance of the conversations we were having. They said they would choose substance over shallow beauty, any day.
My belief in men, though already high, went up a few notches.
To support men as much as I can I do my best to express my emotions AND have the presence of mind to know and ask for the kind of attention and listening I want.
This is a skill that has enabled me to go from alienating men when I express emotions to creating deep, powerful, irresistible connections.
Learn the steps to cultivate this skill here. Without it you are likely to feel unseen and misunderstood with men.
This skill inspires men to step into their power and give you what you need, right then in the moment. It has also had many men feel intrigued and want more of me (in the good way!). Men have even said it is a big part of what had them fall in love with me!
I hope this inspires you to take a risk and share your emotions, rather than hide them. I’d love to hear your stories as you do. And I’d love to see your comments below!
What would make it easier for you to start sharing your emotions?
With love & pleasure,