1. Leading our Irresistible Woman tele-seminar series
2. Creating a program where you get to see into minds and hearts of men
3. A great man feast –  where you discover where great men are and learn what calls them out of their hiding places!

This morning I wrote a poem called ”There’s Something About a Woman…”

It’s about how amazing you are! It’s about what a gift we are to ourselves and others when we love and express all parts of ourselves.

I wanted to share it with you, since you inspired it!

With love,

Shana

There’s Something About A Woman …

There’s something about a woman who embodies, expresses
Who boldly shares the fullness of who she is with the world

Her power and her softness
Her joy and her fierceness
Her longing and her appreciation
Her truth and her fears

There’s something about a woman who does not hide herself from others
Who feels free to show her idiosyncrasies, even when she might be judged
Who lets you know when she feels down, even when she’s afraid to “ruin” the mood
Who speaks up when she wants or needs more, even when she doesn’t want to be a burden

There is something about a woman who isn’t waiting for someone else to make her happy
Who chooses to live from the deepest places in her heart and soul
Who continually discovers what matters most to her

There is something about a woman who does away with the masks of competence and confidence
Fully knowing that she can take care of herself
But allowing others to take care of and nurture her

There is something about a woman who tends to the needs of others, but at the same time sets boundaries that nourish herself
Who knows that being generous is a powerful gift
Who can say “No” in the face of another’s need when she is depleted
But that she has the most to give when she also takes time for herself
Or sometimes when she just doesn’t want to

There is something about a woman who can play and flirt right up to the edge of her “No”
And then lovingly stop, without guilting herself or another
Who can say “No” in a way that makes a man’s day, leaving him better than before he met her
Who calls those around her into deeper conversation, connection and care

There is something about a woman who knows how to keep herself safe and can then undefend herself to love vulnerable
Who lets of go of resentment and blaming “All Men”
Who chooses to be a soulful invitation rather than a soul-denying manipulation

There is something about a woman who doesn’t hold herself back or play small, based on what others will think
Who lets go of words like ‘slut’ and ‘prude’ and steps into her true sensual and sexual desires
Who finds gratitude in the curves and lines of the body she was given
And chooses to love it as it is
Who moves in a way that solidifies her own knowing that she is a divinely beautiful creature

There is a light that emanates
A radiance that shines
An ease that melts the hearts and minds of those around her
When a woman is madly in love with herself and with life
When she sees positive intentions and reflects others’ best, rather than reminding them of their worst

A woman like this heals and connects
She is a powerful force for change and beauty
She is our reminder to honor and take advantage of this miraculous life

And though she will still desire more
Will always desire more
She feels fulfilled and at peace with her life
And has the perfect platform to reach out for what she wants next
While staying close and in tune with her own heart

I asked if he’d heard of Drs. John and Julie Gottman. I told him about the Gottmans “love lab.” In a matter of minutes, by watching how a couple fights, they predict whether that couple will stay together or not. (I may have the actual prediction wrong – it may be about whether a couple will thrive, but my possible mistake lead to my dad’s response)

My dad said, “Just because a couple stays together, doesn’t mean they should! They might fight a lot and pick on each other. So how great is it really to predict whether a couple will stay together?”

I appreciated his point. It’s something I’ve thought about since I was young. It has become my life’s passion and mission – to explore how two people can stay in a relationship together and be fulfilled and deeply connected as they continue to grow and express their truth and desires.

I knew from a young age that I would not be in a loveless marriage. I knew that in order to get married (which I thought I’d never do), it couldn’t be “until death do we part,” but instead “as long as we are both happy, deepening, becoming more alive with each other…”

Relationship for relationship’s sake is not interesting to me. Learning to love deeper, become more generous and evolve as a spiritual being…that’s what is important to me.

Sometimes people stay in relationships because of cultural or family pressures. The belief that being in a relationship is better than being single. Or that a relationship is what makes us happy.

Now, seven years into my relationship with Tim, I’ll be the first to admit that if I don’t bring happiness to my relationship, my relationship does not generate happiness. For a short while new love may bring its own happiness. But it’s not sustainable to expect the relationship to provide that for you.

These days are expectations of relationships are changing. In addition to looking for a spouse, a co-parent, a financial partner…we want the whole shebang. We want a soul mate!

And why not? Of course we do. And it’s possible to have it! More than ever it is possible to have deeply connections sexually, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, etc.

I found this in my husband and I want you to have it! But I also know it takes some deep internal exploration and humility to create a relationship that doesn’t build resentment over time.

It takes honesty and soul searching to keep the chemistry hot, and to have each person feel appreciated and understood. It takes courage and vulnerability, each person takes responsibility for how s/he breaks trust and blocks intimacy.

It is not easy to have each partner feel more vital and inspired from the relationship, rather than drained or defeated.

And so I continue to use my relationship as a personal exploration. I get messy and commit to being humble. I continue to learn how to love more deeply, knowing there is no end to this learning. Tim and I are more connected now than ever. Because we’ve worked at it!

Part of what fuels my learning is hearing from others who are as willing to deeply explore their dark sides, their passion and sensuality, relationship with their inner critic, communication, emotional expression and vulnerability.

I was interviewed this year, along with 6 other women who I find inspiring. You can check out the interview here. If it inspires you I highly recommend listening to the interviews and using the workbook.

In my interview alone, I talk about:

1. The key to attracting men to have real, sustained love,
2. What blocks the connections you really want with men,
3. The art of creating connection rather than pushing a man away,
4. Why some women don’t meet men, some women don’t meet men they want, some women don’t get commitment and some women end up with a great committed relationship,
5. What inspires a man to commit to you, rather than just date you,
6. How to inspire a man to be (or become) his greatest self,
7. What has your hurt bring you closer to someone, rather than tear you apart,
8. How to know when a guy is saying the “right,” things but does not intend to commit,
9. One of the biggest things women tend to de-prioritize that takes spark and connection out of dating and relationship.

And I’d love to hear from you!

How have you kept your relationships alive?

What is your biggest challenging in doing so?

What have you not yet found the answer to, to keep love alive?

I wish for you to have a phenomenal relationship with an amazing man, who adores and cherishes you, and meets you in the ways you want to be met!

With love and learning,
Shana

Maybe it’s a sexual desire. Maybe it’s a desire about how much time you spend together. It may be a desire about how whether he tells you when he finds other women attractive. Or that he wants to go on a trip, or move to another part of the country.

Read on to discover how to navigate desire. Because after all, we are human. So that means you WILL have different desires than your man has:

My husband left last week on a 5 week journey to the other side of the world. When we first started talking about this he said he needed a re-set. He wanted to resign from his job and take a sabbatical, a solo-journey!

Whoa! I thought. Right when we’re trying to create a family and get settled. This is a HUGE change! And one that makes us much less stable.

And yet as I thought about it more I thought about how important this felt. It is extremely important to me that he is feeling fulfilled in his career and loving how he spends his days. Both for his own sake and because if he’s not, I won’t really get to have him. I would get a watered down, uninspired version of him.

It’s NOT easy to send my man across the world and have him return without a job(!), for this long stretch of time. (My acupuncturist “gracefully” reminded me just before he left, “Who knows what will happen?! He might renounce worldly desires and become a wandering monk! Anything is possible!”)

Hmmm…

Well, it’s not likely (especially with the love notes I’m getting about how much he misses me), but the point is that he has desires that don’t always seem to me like the best option in the moment! And in facing his desires, I’m forced to face the unknown and my fear of what might happen. I also have to / get to (I think both are true) look at my own tucked away, set aside desires!

It is often easier to compromise and let go of desires “for the sake of a relationship,” than risk knowing and talking about what you want. For the seven years we’ve been together, I have wanted to do another meditation retreat.

For the first four or so years of our relationship, one thing that stopped me from going was the fear that if I left for ten days he would fall in love with another woman. A ridiculous fear on the one hand, but many women have this fear – if we leave a man alone he will replace us with someone else.

When we are run by our fears, rather than our desires, relationships get funky. People get resentful and distant, even sneaky.

I want our marriage to be a partnership where we support each other in doing what most is important to us, staying alive and vital, rather than becoming dull from compromise and supposed to’s.

Because human beings are all unique, it’s impossible to find a man who wants everything you want and likes everything you like. That might actually be quite boring. Someone else’s different interests brings variety to your life.

So, the next time the man you love, or are dating, starts to bring up his desires, and they don’t quite fit with the picture of what you want, take a deep breath and listen! Really listen! Not the half listening, half defending your viewpoint that we sometimes do (I am guilty of this!)

Get curious about what he wants.  And consider the impact on him if he does not do or have what he wants. It may not be a big deal for him. But it may be huge. Think about who you want to be for this man – someone who supports his dreams and desires or someone who stands in the way of them?

Then put attention on your own desires! What have you not been doing that you really want? What have you never done that you’d love to do?

While I really miss my husband and often wish he was with me, I’m also finding freedom in not planning around another person. I am planting a garden, writing and meditating more, cooking and spending more time with my girlfriends.

And when he gets home I think we will have a freshness and an aliveness that we wouldn’t have if we held on tight and didn’t support each other’s desires.

Let me know what you think. Comment below!

With love,
Shana

When I work with men I sometimes look through the lens of “how would it feel to date him?” I notice my responses when I see and hear him, when I’m near him. I pay attention to what I feel in my body and heart.

I feel how strong his presence is, how embodied he is, how deeply he appreciates me (and all women), how clear he is about what he wants, how able he is to communicate his desires, how much he feels relaxed and clear with his sexual energy.

"One" by Alex Grey

I also consider whether I would feel understood and emotionally connected with him, whether I would trust him to hold my vulnerable parts, and whether I feel turned on by him. And I tell him the truth!

I share this without criticizing or making him wrong. I share with compassion; as an ally, as someone who cares about him and wants him to have what he wants, and as someone who knows that his blind-spots keep him from that.

My client asked me why I didn’t trust him to hold my emotions. I shared that as I witness him relate to his own emotions, I imagine he would try to pacify me and tell me everything is okay.

I want someone who won’t run when it gets intense. I want a man who can walk into the darkness with me, rather than try to point out the rainbows in the middle of a thunderstorm!

“Whoa!” he said. “I’m shocked!”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I totally do that,” he said. “It’s crazy that you know that about me, that you can tell that. And we only talk on the phone! You’ve never even seen me!”

“Yes,” I said. “I can hear it in your voice. I can it feel your body. I pay attention to the speed and tone of our conversation, to how deeply you receive what I say, where your attention is, what you choose to say and not say…”

Human beings are complex! There is a lot going on. We tend to forget that, even as we attempt to hide or protect ourselves, people can feel us. And they can feel us from the moment they lay eyes on us, before we even say a word.

Of course, each person’s ability to do this is unique. And beyond that, the capacity to put what one feels into words ranges as well. And there is also one’s degree of willingness to be honest…

But even if a man can’t put what he’s feeling or noticing into words, he’s still responding to it. This is what draws him closer or not. This is what makes him feel inspired or bored. This is what has him want to commit or not.

We all have blind-spots; ways we push people away that we can’t see ourselves. Sometimes we can find them on our own. Sometimes we can’t. However you do it, finding them is one of the fastest ways I have seen women shift from not attracting any men, to attracting great men, and from dating men who won’t commit to men who are inspired and proposing marriage.

One way to find blind-spots is to think about what is missing in your life– something you really want. (I know the manifestation gurus may give me a funny look on this one, not focusing on the positive, but it works.) Then consider what you could possibly be doing that gets in the way. Brainstorm while practicing having tons of compassion for yourself!

Another way to find your blind-spots is to work with a coach. There’s no shame in getting help. We all need it. I think it’s weird that we’ve been encouraged to do this alone. Even as a relationship coach, I have a relationship coach!

If you’re interested in 3 of the biggest blind-spots I’ve found many women have, click here to find out more… It is incredibly helpful to know you’re not alone and to know what you can do with these blind-spots once you are aware of them.

I’m also considering creating a teleseminar or CD set about how to do what I do with men; how to deeply see and feel them, and communicate that in a way that inspires them to be closer to you and step into their greatness.

Learning this that creates more intimacy in romantic relationships, more ease and effectiveness in business, more closeness in family relationships and friendships… If you’re interested in that, leave comment and let me know what would be most helpful for you…

For now, start paying attention to your body and heart when you are around people. And if you want to be bold, start a conversation with someone. If you’re feeling a heaviness in your heart with someone you might ask if they feel sad. If you feel a lot of energy in your body you might say so and see how s/he responds.

You’ll start having deeper conversations as you do this and may even discover some of your own blind-spots. Let us know how it goes!

With love,
Shana

It’s been about 7 months since we started “trying.” The lessons I have learned have been profound and they apply not only to having a baby, but to searching for love and keeping it alive.

Passing the lessons on helps me feel like my suffering is at least helping others.  ;)

A couple weeks ago I “hit bottom” in the world of baby making. I remembered similar moments back when I was single and looking for a relationship. The days where suddenly everything felt dark and I felt too heavy to move. I cried for hours and felt unfit to go out in the world.

I wondered, “what is the point of all of this?” I felt angry at God/Spirit/Creator for not giving me something I have wanted my whole life!

This time, I really looked at the question “what is the point of all of this,” as a question, rather than a statement of frustration. I asked myself, over and over again, “What IS the point of all of this? Of life? Of having a baby?”

I cannot claim to have come up with “the point,” but what I did come up with was a HUGE epiphany! (Yes I have had this epiphany before. But clearly it did not stick last time.)

The realization was: I am waiting! I am putting off living my life and doing what I most want to do.

I was putting off buying new clothes (what if I spent money and they longer fit?), signing up for workshops (what if I signed up, spent money and then couldn’t finish the workshop because I was giving birth?), renewing my yoga plan (what if I wanted to switch to pre-natal classes at a different studio?)

I was living for tomorrow, but tomorrow had not yet come.

Every done anything similar?

After this realization I thought about what I really wanted to do, to take care of myself and have more fun…to start living NOW, living for ME again.

I tend to work fast, so it has only been a couple weeks and my life feels radically different.

Oh My God I am so much happier. Here is what I did:

1. I committed to drinking my green shake at least 4x/week and taking my vitamins daily 
2. I signed up for a belly dancing class
    
3. I renewed my gym membership and committed to yoga 3x/week and zumba 1x (with belly dancing 1x/week also)
    
   • I bought 5, yes 5, pairs of skinny jeans – a few different colors (And when my sister asked what I would do if I got pregnant I said, I don’t give a s%*&. It’s only money. I want to feel good NOW!) (A note on skinny jeans: I didn’t think I could wear them. I thought I had the wrong body type – thighs too big, hips to wide. A stylist convinced me otherwise and wow am I thrilled. A story for another blog)
      
   • I had my colors done (followed by ditching half the clothes in my closet)
      
   • I signed up for a year long workshop to explore sensuality and sex – how to keep making it deeper and hotter
      
   • I started a meditation practice
     

     Lakshmi

     
      
   • I recommitted to my second women’s circle, called Nourish Flourish, that keeps me on track with my commitments, including my well-being.
      
   • I picked out paint, a chair and a Buddha to sassify my office (see photo)
      
   • I stopped “trying,” tracking and having my attention focused on baby

There are a few other things I started doing that I won’t mention here. When we launch our advanced course next year I’ll dish on the juicy details. For now I’ll keep you in suspense ;).

In the search for love, and the baby-making journey, you can not plan when it will happen. But you can enjoy the journey, which inevitably speeds up the process!

So what are you going to to take your life back and reclaim YOU? Let us know below.

With love & way more pleasure!
Shana

(I meet incredible men all over the world. Might be time to start match-making! Want his phone #?)

We went to a club one night so he could practice staying present, in his body and connected to women, even if he felt embarrassed, turned on or self-conscious.The club was gorgeous! It was NYC style, with the latest and most stylish decorations. It was pretty empty when we arrived. I saw a few decked out, beautiful, tall, young women and felt a bit like an outsider, but I was feeling all right…Until…

Until I took a walk to the bathroom. My simple black dress and casual boots (my hot pair ripped when I was getting dressed) felt like rags compared to what other women were wearing.

In the tiny 3 by 5 foot bathroom I stood in a sea of 20 of these tall, thin beautifully put together women. I felt like I was 13 years old again.

I could hardly look in the mirror as I washed my hands. I almost burst into tears right there! I realized I was having a sudden case of the “uglies,” comparing myself with other women and doubting my beauty and worth.

This doesn’t happen often anymore, but I’m not surprised it did then, in a room full of beautiful women, halfway across the world

I squeezed through the mob of people (who arrived as I had been chatting outside with my client and his two friends). When I reached them I let out a huge sigh and a few tears rolled down my cheeks.

They asked what was going on. “They are all so beautiful,” I said. I feel so self-conscious.

I knew I could have tried to hide what I was feeling and gone on with the night, but I really value being honest with men and letting them into a woman’s world.

Part of what I do when I coach men is teach them how to respond to a woman’s emotions so she feels seen and appreciated. Many men feel scared, anxious and have no idea how to do this.

So, I consciously chose to feel it all and share it. It was vulnerable, especially with men I don’t know well, especially in another culture. But I don’t think hiding does anyone much good.

And I am willing to be vulnerable so these men ( and others) can have more connection and intimacy with women.I also do it for the women these men interact and create relationships with (Sisterhood)!!

As vulnerable as it is to do this it also heals my heart every time. If a man disrespects me, I stand up for myself and the rightness of my feelings. I dig deeper into my own strength and love for myself, remembering there is absolutely nothing wrong with me! :) If a man embraces my emotions, my heart relaxes a bit more.

These 3 Croatian men, in a Croatian night club, listened to me. Then they said they were grateful to be with me, and they appreciated the substance of the conversations we were having. They said they would choose substance over shallow beauty, any day.

My belief in men, though already high, went up a few notches.

To support men as much as I can I do my best to express my emotions AND have the presence of mind to know and ask for the kind of attention and listening I want.

This is a skill that has enabled me to go from alienating men when I express emotions to creating deep, powerful, irresistible connections.

Learn the steps to cultivate this skill here. Without it you are likely to feel unseen and misunderstood with men.

This skill inspires men to step into their power and give you what you need, right then in the moment. It has also had many men feel intrigued and want more of me (in the good way!). Men have even said it is a big part of what had them fall in love with me!

I hope this inspires you to take a risk and share your emotions, rather than hide them. I’d love to hear your stories as you do. And I’d love to see your comments below!

What would make it easier for you to start sharing your emotions?

With love & pleasure,
Shana


Imagine this:

You walk into a meeting at work, talking stops, all heads turn… you immediately have the attention and respect of your boss and colleagues. You are trusted and people want to hear what you have to say…

Now, imagine this:

You walk up to a woman (a stranger, girlfriend or your wife). She immediately softens. She stops what she’s doing, turns to you and gives you her full attention. In her eyes you see playfulness and trust! You feel her wanting you and there is an instant spark of electricity and turn-on!

Sound good?

Being instantly trusted and listened to by your boss and colleagues, and having women trust you, open with you and desire you is totally possible. It is actually the same foundations that create these responses in both situations.

Before we get to the foundations, let’s look at what happens when they are not in place. Do any of these sound familiar to you?

• Rather than being listened to and trusted at work, someone else is in charge, telling you what to do. Your ideas are often overlooked.
• Women ignore you, or act as though they have something better to do, when you attempt to start a conversation.
• Women say you’d make a great friend, but sorry, not a lover.
• You feel awkward and nervous in social situations
• Life is more work than play, and you tend to feel exhausted
• You have a nagging feeling things are not as good as they could be
• Your friendships are dull or conversations stay shallow

If you relate to any of these, it is time to look at these four foundations:

1. Be CLEAR

There are a few ways you can think about being “clear.” In this foundation what I mean is clearing your past resentments, disappointments, frustrations and judgments.

If you have not cleared these, whether you realize it or not, you will hold some degree of tension, rigidity, defensiveness and powerlessness, in your stance and in your body.

When a man approaches me with preconceived ideas about women (whether overt or subtle) my guard goes up. Sometimes I have a funny feeling in my stomach. Sometimes I feel a sense of distrust. It is harder for me to relax.

When a man approaches me with appreciation and curiosity, seeing me as an individual (rather than someone who will act out his past hurts or disappointments), I feel relaxed and free to be myself.

It works the same in business. If you have resentments about the way “people don’t work well together” or “no one listens to you,” you will bring these to every communication you have.

Your communication will have the energy of trying to prove something, rather than the energy of inspiration! And the result will likely be that people feel they have to defend themselves around you.

The first step in clearing these resentments is to be honest with yourself. Make a list of the beliefs you have about women and people that hold negativity. Once you have this list, start to consider whether the beliefs are true about everyone, or the people you had those experiences with.

You can’t truly be present, or in the moment, with others until these
resentments and frustrations are cleared.  And ask for help from a friend or a coach. It’s not always easy to let go of these on your own.

2. Have a VISION

When a person does not have a vision, or a clear intention, I tend to feel bored and uninspired, and I am less likely to pay attention. It also often feels like work to be around a person like this.

Not having a vision with a woman, or at work, feels similar to someone walking up to me, saying “hi,” and then just standing there, waiting for something to happen, but not making anything happen. I then feel like I have to work to connect with this person, even though I wasn’t the one who initiated it.

Now imagine someone approaching you, saying “hi,” and then (with the intention of deeply appreciating you) starting a conversation by inquiring noticing something about you.  A vision of connecting with a person can be created even with a simple question like “How is your day going?”

Now, a person without a vision doesn’t always stand around silently waiting like the above example I gave about looking for someone else to start the conversation. Sometimes he talks a lot, but not really about anything!

The usual topics of conversation, about the weather, where you live, etc., tend to feel to me like a person has nothing better to talk about. It can be a great start when you are nervous, but consider asking questions or sharing about what is important to you, what you believe in, and what you want to convey to me, or create with me.

When a man really knows what matters to him, and believes in it, he speaks with passion and power. He tends to be bolder and unapologetic. There is a quality in his communication that wakes me up and captures my attention.

So the next time you are about to go into a meeting or approach a woman, ask yourself what you want to create or accomplish, and what is important to you about that situation. Hold that vision with you and keep checking back in with it throughout the conversation.

3. SEE who is in front of you

I have had conversations with men who are oblivious to my discomfort and my emotions. At work I have had people disregard my concerns, my visions, or what I feel is important. Both of these feel horrible!

When this happens I tend to feel angry. I feel tempted to walk away. I have no desire to continue talking with this person.

When I don’t feel seen, I don’t feel important, special or valued. If I am working with someone, I am then less motivated to do great work. If I am with a man, I imagine that spending more time with him would be lonely, that it would be all about him, and he wouldn’t be able to love or appreciate ALL of me.

Seeing the person in front of you relates to being clear. When you are clear, you will actually notice and feel a person’s responses, and have an easier time responding or asking questions, rather than talking over or avoiding what is really going on.

When you see who is in front of you, you can collaborate, rather than attempt to force. You can inspire, rather than bulldoze. In working with people over the years I’ve found that being seen and understood is one of the strongest desires most people have.

To start seeing who is in front of you, allow more space in your conversations. Rather than immediately responding, put some attention on the other person’s body language, tone and emotions. Take those into consideration and ask questions to better get to know a person.

4. Be RELAXED in your BODY (Not just in your head)

People mirror each other without even knowing it. The more you breathe deeply, the more another person will do the same. The more anxious you are, the more anxious someone around you tends to become.

That said, being in your body, without being relaxed, can cause people to want to get away from you or avoid you all together.

I remember a yoga class where I could feel the anxiety of the man next to me. His breath was shallow and forced. His movements were tense and rigid. I almost left the class because I felt so uncomfortable being next to him.

I also remember standing in a room when a man walked in and my head immediately turned to see who he was, because my body suddenly felt tingly and turned. When I turned to look I could tell he was aware of his body, not just in his head. He also held eye contact with me, which told me he was relaxed and wasn’t likely to be afraid of deep connection.

When you are in your body you can play with energy you feel between yourself and another person. Energy is that seemingly magical thing that connects us with others. When it is strong, you can tangibly feel it. When it is weak it is harder to feel.

When you are only in your head, thinking and trying to figure things out, you are missing out on most of what creates spark and attraction.

If you want heads to turn when you walk into a room, and you want people to instantly care about what you have to say, start to pay attention to and deepen your breath.

Notice your emotions and the sensations in your body. Notice when you are thinking or anxiously trying to figure something out and come back to feeling the sensations in your body. This may sound strange at first, but it is shocking how different it feels to someone standing near you.

This is another one to ask for help with. It can be difficult to break old patterns. You can try practicing this with friends. Ask if they’ll spend a couple minutes with you and let you know if they can tell the difference when you are thinking or analyzing vs when you are breathing deeply and feeling the sensations in your body. Some people are perceptive enough to notice and others are not. This is a great thing to work on with a coach.

With these four foundations you are on the path to being trusted, respected, listened to and desired. But theory without experience is pretty useless. Now it’s time to get out there and practice! Let us know how it goes and feel free to be in touch with questions.

All right ladies, I’d love to hear what you think of this article. Let me know by leaving a comment below!

My response:

Danger! Danger!

Any time you include a generalization about men in your question, use the statement “Men NEVER…,” and then insult men, you are treading into some very dangerous territory…moving farther and farther away from having love and connection with men, and with the right man for you!

I know it’s tempting. I know it can feel justified at times. But when you catch yourself generalizing about ALL MEN, stop!

‘ALL Men’ don’t do anything because there is no such being as ALL MEN. Each man is an individual.

I hear so much pain in this question that it’s hard to stay focused on the words. Many beliefs we have about men come from past hurts and frustrations, times we felt unseen, disrespected, used, led on, abandoned…

But if we do not heal and we carry these resentments around, we can not see each man for who he is! A man can feel when we’re doing this, even before we say a word. He will avoid us, or not stick around, when we do. This is part of one of the biggest mistakes women (even smart, successful women) make that keep us from finding and creating an amazing relationship. We talk more about it here…

I have had the privilege of coaching close to a thousand men. Men have let me into their hearts and shared their raw, vulnerable truth. I can’t give a blanket statement for why men leave, because there isn’t one. I can share some of what they have told me:

Some men have told me they leave when they get scared. Some men have told me they leave when they feel they can’t make a woman happy. Some men have told me that even though it  seemed sudden, they were unhappy for a while. Some men have told me they didn’t know how to say what they wanted or needed, they didn’t want to hurt a woman. Some men have told me they didn’t feel heard when they tried to share…

To answer the question, “Why do we bang our heads against the wall, wondering what we did wrong, questioning ourselves?“:

Doubting ourselves and making ourselves wrong is a serious problem that many women face.  We talk more about that in this program.

I’ll say more in another blog post, but what comes to mind first is: When you notice you are making yourself wrong, take some time to sit quietly and assess the situation. Consider the positive intentions behind the choices you have made. To make different choices from now on you don’t actually have to make yourself wrong for the past.

I’d love to hear what you have to say about all of this. Leave a comment below!

With love,
Shana