Have you ever had a string of really great luck, where the world seems to fall at your feet? Gorgeous men are suddenly everywhere, flirting with you and asking you if you’re free on Saturday night. The same week, you get a raise and compliments at work. You feel like you’re on top of the world, and the luck just keeps coming.

Or, you get the opposite:  everything falls apart and it all happens at once. You lose your job, your pet iguana dies, and the cute guy you’ve been seeing says he needs a break. I’ve been in this boat many times. I’m sure you have too.

Imagine you have a beautiful gift basket, full of money, wonderful food, and the promise of love. You have been told to choose one very special and deserving woman to give this gift to.

The first woman walks into the room, and you tell her you would like to give her this gift. She crosses her arms, raises an eyebrow, and says “Huh. Why? I haven’t done anything to deserve this. There must be something you’re not telling me.” Read the rest of this entry »

The other day I turned a connection with my man that was about to go bad into a heart melting and healing experience.

You too can turn a connection that’s more shallow or disconnected than you want, whether with a new man or a man you’re in relationship with, into one that is deep, builds trust, and even sparks attraction and passion!

Here’s how it went for me:

San Francisco, California
10:00 pm after a long day of work

I had worked all day and was recuperating from leading a workshop. At 10:00 I’m laying on the couch feeling exhausted. Read the rest of this entry »

This is a great article written by a friend of mine, Jayson Gaddis, who teaches men how to be powerful and achieve their highest purpose. I am inspired by his work, his commitment and his authenticity!

I love this article because it’s honest. It explains what men often go through. And because it asks men to call their  fantasies into question and look deeper. We need to do this as women as well.

He suggests that men… Read the rest of this entry »

Walking into a café, bar or party, my mind often buzzes with questions about myself. Am I dressed okay? Am I as radiant as the other women here? Will men pay attention to me? At this point, I don’t take these thoughts too seriously.  A few years ago they sometimes paralyzed me. I felt nervous and anxious.

But guess what? The men I coached today told me the same thing happens for them! It is such a privilege to be let into hundreds of men’s insecurities and vulnerabilities. And so you know, I haven’t yet met a man who doesn’t have them. It’s so easy to think you’re the only one who is nervous, but it’s not true. Read the rest of this entry »

I was sitting with a dear friend as she rocked her 1 1/2 year-old boy to sleep, breastfeeding him. She had moved into a new home six weeks earlier and single handedly unpacked it. She finished her Masters Degree two weeks before the move. She had given birth to her son while in school, took care of him while finishing her degree and…you may not believe this…was running her own business with her husband.

Talk about Super Woman! This woman can do anything she puts her mind to. Nothing stops her. She is incredible.

Reading her list of accomplishments, would you believe she thinks she doesn’t do enough? I thought she was crazy when she told me she’s been trying to prove she is smart, strong and capable!

But maybe it’s not so crazy. Maybe, for most of us, what is underneath over-working and trying to be Super Woman IS our desire to be seen, loved and appreciated. Read the rest of this entry »

Have you ever wanted something but felt like you couldn’t ask for it?

Or have you asked for it, but then suddenly felt a man away or get awkward?

Recently, I was having a conversation with a woman about a first date she’d just gone on. She’d been talking to her date on the phone, planning where they’d meet. He asked her if it would be okay to meet at his place. He didn’t want to make the hour-long drive to pick her up after a long day at work.

She felt angry when she heard this: “He doesn’t want to do something inconvenient, but he’s okay with asking me to do it!” She quickly squelched her anger and agreed to meet him at his place. She didn’t want to be pushy, and after all, isn’t that what she should do to make the date to go well? Read the rest of this entry »

This month in the Living In Love program we’ve been exploring How to Have Sex That Meets Your Deepest Heart’s Desires.

As I explored what makes sex delicious, enjoyable, and satisfying for me, I realized how much of it is up to me, not my lover. It can be both humbling and exciting to admit that it’s my hand on the dial. Exciting, because I can turn the dial up; humbling because its my responsibility to make sex great, and if it isn’t, I know where to look.

There is what I say and do–or don’t say and don’t do–in the bedroom that can make sex either great or terrible. This is when I get to voice my boundaries, listen to my desires, and dance between giving and receiving. We talked about how to communicate during sex in our teleseminar last week. (If you missed it but would like to listen, just sign up for the Living In Love program for $1 and get instant access to all our past tele-seminars).

However, fantastic sex starts way before the bedroom. Read the rest of this entry »

There were countless times in my past when I went along with what a man (or boy) wanted sexually, even though it wasn’t what I wanted.

I’m not just talking about sex. There were times when I kissed or hugged even when I didn’t want to. I remember how awful it felt. But I didn’t want to be seen as a prude when I was younger. And I’m sad to say that how other people thought of me felt more important than honoring myself.

As I grew up, the fear changed to thinking that if I didn’t have the same sexual desires as a man, he wouldn’t want me. And while it is possible to be mis-matched sexually, my fear was about individual moments, not an overall way of being.

Looking back it’s amazing how much I held back and kept to myself. I was scared to say when something didn’t feel good, or when I wasn’t in the mood. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I didn’t want him to feel wrong. And I didn’t want to him to leave! Read the rest of this entry »

I spent the past few days with a raw heart, feeling hurt. My desire to have kids has been REALLY LOUD!

“I WANT them,” the voice in my head screams!

And entering my mid-thirties there’s a part of me that’s also screaming, “But time is running out!”

My husband and I talked about this recently (this is not the first time!) and we have different desires. I want to have kids soon! He wants kids, but isn’t sure when. I was feeling hurt during our conversation. Paying attention to my reactions, I noticed my instinct to lash out at him or pull away from him. Looking back I see I’ve had this same instinct from dating all the way through marriage. Read the rest of this entry »

Ahh… hurt and anger in relationship. They can show up anytime—from the very first date to the end of our lives. It’s nice to fantasize about a relationship without that—a dream lover who will understand your every need and desire, where there is no emotional upset at all.

But in the real world, it’s better to know how to deal with these strong emotions in a way that creates more connection and attraction, rather than destroys them.

We all know what doesn’t work when we’re hurt or angry. In fact, that’s when some of our worst “behavior” comes out!

Does any of this sound like you? Read the rest of this entry »